life hits u
I just want to know why I feel like I’m asking for too much, it’s the attitude, the way you always feel like you have to be cool and have followers? Like I don’t understand, live your life, say you want to commit to fellowship like you said you would and just have a healthy lifestyle with me. Always trying to defend your actions when your actions never speak in your words. So? Why say you want to love me and that I’m important to you but not realize the things that make me unhappy. I’ve been riding on the hope that maybe one day if I give enough I’ll soon be able to get enough. But that sometimes isn’t the case, because men will never realize what they have until its gone. I’ve been through so much with wk it’s hard to explain, there are times I would give up entirely and forget him but it’s just so hard to forget someone who was the first person to teach you to love and then go back on his word. I have so many questions I want to ask you and I try my best to understand you in multiple perspectives and it’s so exhausting not being able to figure out what kind of person you are and how we can connect together as a couple to know we’ll be okay. Both of us want and need different things. I know there are some things that I may not know as you’re my first but there are some things I realized we are just two different people on, I’m more serious towards things in life and you just love your friends and love big groups, and when it comes to one-on-one you’ll never understand what a true couple in love even means. I know that much. I’ve realized the difference between soulmate love where you feel like the person is yours and he knows you inside and out and will protect and take care and love you and I know the time spent with infatuation love. I don’t mind taking care of him, I don’t mind that it seems like I do so much with little given in return but when it comes to just not hearing me out or taking offense to what I need it upsets me. I love him, something about him draws me to him every time, when people ask me why I love him, I don’t know the reason why I just do, maybe his childish personality balances my seriousness and that his ambition to do good in school inspires me and lets me know I can have some stability in my life. In my life, I’ve realized how much I crave stability, how much you endure throughout the day, there will always someone dedicated to you to talk to, love and care for. Maybe I haven’t figured out my life yet.
sometimes i feel like i need a be myself again, the simpy version I’ve always was. There’s always two sides to me the humorous and bold girl and then the girl who likes retreating in her shell and likes listening to indie music and go to lowkey concerts, sit in coffee shops, and ofc be inspired by fairy lights. LMAO wish i could figure myself out. step by step maybe
